Ravno sem se odpravljala na kavo, ko mi je nekaj v glavi reklo, pa dej se zvagej. Bwa?! A? Od kje pa zdaj ta ideja. Ok \u017ee res da smo nedolgo nazaj s prijateljicama omenjale vaganje. Ampak od tega je ziher mesece dni. Sama pri sebi si mislim, ma dej Barbi, od kje ti zdej ta ideja. Ampak ker je moje zadnje polletje obarvano s \u010duje\u010dnostjo v praksi, sem zaznala ta glas kot nekaj, kar bom storila. \u010ce po pravici povem, nikoli nisem v resnici prav z navdu\u0161enjem stopila na vago. Pa \u010de smo \u010disto iskreni, kdo pravzaprav je? Pa vendar se spomnim, da sem se \u017ee v srednji \u0161oli spra\u0161evala kaj je z mojimi so\u0161olkami narobe, da kot sokoli spremljajo svojo telesno te\u017eo in \u010demu je to dobro. Sama sem stopila na vago samo na zdravni\u0161kem pregledu in takrat je obi\u010dajno sledilo: \u201cHm, \u2026 glejte, va\u0161a telesna te\u017ea, \u2026 hm \u2026 treba jo bo zni\u017eati, \u2026 saj veste\u2026\u201d Priznam, da se nikoli nisem po\u010dutila, da bi mi solili pamet ali pa, da bi se po\u010dutila prav grozno zaradi teh stavkov. Zavedala sem se svoje telesne te\u017ee in da je je preve\u010d. Zelo preve\u010d. In danes vem zakaj se me to nikoli ni dotaknilo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Minus 4 kg. A?! A jaz to prav vidim??? Kdaj sem se pa nazadnje vagala? Jaen mesec, mogo\u010de mesec pa pol nazaj. Pa, a mi je slu\u010dajno tehtnica crknila? Pa sej sem ja napravljena, to doda vsaj pol kile. In \u017ee sem vlekla kilo moke iz omare, da vidim kak\u0161na je tehni\u010dna napaka. Hm?! Ne to ne more biti, da ni napaka?! Kaj?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ok. Lagala bi, \u010de se nisem vse odkar me je mami prvi\u010d spoznala z dieto potihem ukvarjala s svojo telesno te\u017eo. Pa preizku\u0161ala razli\u010dne programe, ki so svetovali tehtanje hrane, ne, ne bolje je bele\u017eenje kalorij, ne, ne, ne, pri huj\u0161anju je ful pomembno gibanje. Ah, kje pa \u2026 Od vseh informacij, kaj gre na kro\u017enik in kaj ne, sem ostala samo zmedena Barbara. In moja odve\u010dna te\u017ea je bila \u0161e vedno tu z mano. Ne glede koliko denarja je \u0161lo v strokovno in prehrambeno podporo. \u0160e vedno je tu. No, razen \u0161tirih kilogramov, ki so se odlo\u010dili, da ne bodo ve\u010d hengali z mano.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In kaj je razlika danes in nekaj let nazaj? Da sem v tem \u010dasu ozavestila, da moja te\u017eava ni v premalo gibanja ali pa napa\u010dni izbiri hrane, moja te\u017eava je globlje. Moja te\u017eava izvira iz potrebe, ki v mojem otro\u0161tvu ni bila zadovoljena in moja telesna te\u017ea, na\u010din da sem dobila pozornost zanjo. In 36 let kasneje, sem tu, Barbara, ki \u0161e vedno \u017eivi vzorec, ki ga je kot 6-letnica skrbno izoblikovala. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In to sem ozavestila, ko sem \u0161la danes te\u010dt. Kako to, da sem se danes to lotila po\u010det veliko la\u017eje kot prej\u0161nji\u010d? Ni bilo veliko druga\u010de kot ponavadi, na\u010drt je bil izdelan \u017ee nekaj \u010dasa nazaj, v koledarju je bil ozna\u010den dana\u0161nji datum, ker je najbolj usklajen z mojim mese\u010dnim ritmom. Telo se je upiralo kot obi\u010dajno, najprej zama\u0161en nos nekaj dni nazaj, potem izgovor, ma danes je bilo -10, saj bom \u0161e zbolela. Pa itak nimam dovolj dobrih tenisk za tek in tako naprej in tako nazaj. Edina in glavna sprememba danes je bila, da je moja glava z zavedanjem znala moje telo pomiriti. \u201cEj, vse je ok, varna si. In to, \u010de poskrbi\u0161 zase ne pomeni, da ostane\u0161 brez pozornosti in potrebe, ki se skriva za njo.\u201d In res, vse je ok. \u0160e vedno, celo sedaj, ko pi\u0161em tale zapis.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In mi je dalo misliti, waw, pa saj to je vendar noro. A ve\u0161 no, saj to ja \u017ee pti\u010dki \u010divkajo, da se bo\u0161 po teku oziroma kakr\u0161nem koli gibanju po\u010dutila bolje, polno. Samo kaj ko, preden sem pri\u0161la do tja pa ta argument ni zdr\u017eal. Skoraj nikoli. Do danes, ko sem za\u010dela razumet kaj je v ozadju in da je to kar sem po\u010dela do sedaj samo moj priu\u010den na\u010din pre\u017eivetja, ki ga danes ne potrebujem ve\u010d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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